Every phone junky I have spoken to over at Verizon will not use the speedtests I tell them I have gotten because it's not the "Verizon speedtest" and doesn't just insist, but is incredibly straightforward on blaming my desktop. I won't post the specs for the sake of brevity on the subject of computer hardware.
Tests(Note: I am not sure why the times are so late, I couldn't find any setting to change my GMT)
http://www.speedtest.net/my-result/2891427072
That's the test to the NJ server you told me to test to, I got the ping that I would expect for the range of nearly 400-500 miles. But... I'm still using a wired desktop computer to do these speedtests and I'm subscribed to the 75/35 plan... Sure, the ping issue is solved, but I'm not going to be connection to a NYC/NJ area 24/7 to play online games, so that's quite unfortunate. :/
http://www.speedtest.net/my-result/2891429802
Here's one to NYC. Basically the exact same thing. Can't complain about the ping, but I feel like I'm using the TWC connection to download files that I was using back in ~2007.
However, in light of all this I called up one of my high school friends who lives four miles away and who I sometimes play Dark Souls with on the Xbox. He subscribes to the 300/165 service and I asked him how he likes it and if he ever experiences latency, lag, timeouts; et cetera and he has never once noticed anything wrong and has never had any complaints; however, he "complained" about the wiring a VZ tech did and wanted to know what was Verizon's and what cables were not. Sure enough, a tech is sent over for free and marks every coax cable that's Verizon's with tape. Well, complained is in quotes for a reason, he was simply lying to get them to send a tech over so he knew what cables and splitters to replace. (I think that's kind of brilliant, but that's just me) Anyways, he has SEVEN STBs and replaced all of the RG6 coax cables with Dynex RG6 coax cables and he replaced 3 ActionTec 4-way 5-1002Mhz splitters, 1 PDI 4-way 5-1000Mhz splitter and 3 PDI 2-way 5-1000MHz splitters with something like 13 Dynex 2-way 5-2050MHz splitters. His entire wiring for the router, ONT, and STBs looks nothing like mine, qhich is half stapled, half tangled, some coax lines are hexagonal while others are circular, they're a mix of white and black and there's 2 ActionTec 4-way splitters that are only connected to 1 thing -- and I can't even connect to the internet without having both of those cables plugged into separate splitters(and one of them has a green wire that has a "MODEM" tag written on it).
After looking at his set-up, and unfortunaly didn't take any pictures because it didn't even cross my mind, I wanted to know how his connection ran. Especially since he tests to the Buffalo server with ZERO FREAKING PING and the NYC server with 3-5 ping. I expected a difference...but I have no words to describe how I felt playing a FPS, oh wait, I do... It fealt like I was on LAN against a team of blind people. 3-4 bullets always killed someone within 10 feet, I could kill people across the map with less than 10 bullets with an SMG, my screen actually turned red as if I took the correct amount of damage(to the usual 1-bullet death I experience), and above all, I died a total of... it's an unebelievable zero deaths over the course of 3 games and over 40 kills each game of TDM(and it's first to 75). Playing public actually felt like...public. God awful players who can't react and aim accurately to save their life. And a typical game over here in my humble abode is an average 15-20 deaths per game... with roughly 25-30 kills.
Kudos to anyone that actually read those paragraphs. I'll be stopping at Best Buy over the course of this weekend to replace the splitters and cables, unless a post on this thread makes it in time with a miraculous fix to bad ping and abyssmal upstream/downstream. If it works, I'll post new speedtests and tracerts and if it doesn't, well, you'll probably hear about someone jumping off the Peace Bridge in the news next week.